Alright, how about I make a sweet little letter to my, ahem, former crush? Because according to the news I recieved just today, I'm pretty sure he fucking deserves it:
I guess it's official now, huh?
I am positively 100% stupid for liking you. Or anyone the least bit similar to you. Why? Because your kind is so fucking dumb enough to pick Little Miss Mini-Snooki over me. Not to be conceited or anything, but you and I both know that I am much better.
The fucking bitch you just asked out - the same bitch I was close to just last year - is going to blow your mind. And not in a very good way. Seriously, you better love the phrase, "OMG! OMG!" because you'll be hearing it very, very often. Oh, and let's not forget her marvelous friends. I mean, they already speak jumbled-up English, they love nostalgia pink, and who could forget their fucking stupidity?
Sharks strike in packs; but in your case, sharks strike in sparkly, tone-deaf packs.
Good luck, and get ready for war.
(Alright, just to confirm, he didn't ask out the friend I talked about in my other blog post, "Apparently...")