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Defending Jennette and Others Against Trolls - Part Two

IEmbargo August 15, 2014 User blog:IEmbargo

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As a side note, I wanted you to understand the thought process that goes into the thought process by which Jennette WNFS, her actions thereafter, and the reactions thereto.  This is also an object lesson in why you should never go *too* overboard when you retaliate against someone who has aggrieved you.

Recall that I was bullied because I was the first non-white in my upper-middle-class suburb; as a kindergartener, teachers used to help the big kids beat me up.  I was bullied in middle school and fought back lots of times - although I always lost.  I vowed that the next time it happened, I was going to retaliate in a way that would be more effective and far-reaching.

When I was in college, I met the woman of my dreams at the time.  She is what I think Jennette will be soon become.  She had many similar things happen to her in her home town.  The science fiction fan club I was in split into three: one group wanted us to get married; another group wanted desperately to break us up; the third just wanted us to be happy.  When she and I were dating: the ones that wanted us together, um, tried to help as best they could; the ones that wanted to break us up made Mrs. Benson in "iCan't Take It" look normal; the others just treated us normally.  I felt terribly betrayed by my purported friends who were actively trying to break us up, but acted so nicely in front of us.

The supporters and opponents of our "ship" actively worked to manipulate us and the people around us.  They each had a ring-leader, a few main followers, and some sympathisers who may or may not have had misgivings, but went along with them and/or were psycholocally under their influence.  The strain on the relationship eventually caused her to break up with me.  Then the people who had been working to break us up suddenly became sympathetic and friendly, while those who had been trying help our relationship out suddenly became malicious and distant.  What was worse was both groups immediately set her up with someone else who didn't trust my very real connections in SF fandom and such.

I was already heartbroken from being dumped; this betrayal by my faux friends on both sides drove me to a suicide attempt.  When I survived it, I vowed revenge.  I figured that I had lost the woman I was "meant to be with," whence I was never going to fall in love again and no one else would fall in love with a "two bagger" (think of Sam putting TWO bags over Freddie's head); thus I was going to be alone and miserable for 60 more years and hence had nothing to lose.

I used my reputation as an honest broker and my connections in fandom against all of them.  I made sure to slant any paraphrased communication just a bit more harshly than it actually was.  I used the perks I got on collectibles that none of them had known about before me to play one person off against another.  Different people got different things for equivalent reasons to me but not to them.  Several long-term friendships and a couple of marriages fell apart over this.  The most ironic part?  A couple of years later, I found out that they fact-checked my information with my ex-GF, whom I was 100% honest with.  The most disturbing part?  I felt like I really hadn't hurt them much because I still had nothing to live for but no one even came close having either their lives or minds crash about their ears.  So I even felt worse.

So to make me feel better, I then bragged about it by slightly reworking what I did into my last Doctor Who fan fiction.  It was for one of the most popular fanzines in the country...and it had international distribution...and got into the hands of people like Lance Parkin, Robert Smith?. Russell Davies, Steve Moffatt, and other current DW fans and writers as well.

After the fanzine hit my mailbox, I decided to stop wallowing in misery and stop feeling like I was going to be a bitter old bachelor by doing some positive actions for myself which would have no other side-effects other than helping me - they were getting a job followed by going to grad school..  And then I felt horribly guilty.  Although others feel that because this was the only truly malicious thing I have ever done and should not feel guilty, my conscience will bother me about it for the rest of my life.  It literally bothers me every single day.

Now you know why some people's attitudes towards shipping in the series and the real life romances of Nathan et al. bother me so much.

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