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Mak23686 January 6, 2012 User blog:Mak23686

Yay, another blog reflecting on Sophie.

Well, basically, all I have tto say is that I feel REALLY stupid because of this. There were SO many things wrong with Sophie's story, I was kinda naive to believe it:

  • Her claiming more than once she COULDN'T remove her bureaucrat rights.
  • Her claiming she had to die this weekend, later saying she had another surgery on the 13th; I don't know how medicine works, but would they REALLY schedule a surgery for a date they don't even expect the patient to live to? I didn't question it back then 'cause I was just relieved she still had a chance.
  • Her pictures; In school, I knew a girl who had heart surgery as a baby; she had quite the scar running down her chest. I blamed that on the quality of the pictures (and as for my classmate, I didn't notice her scar for some time; it's rude to stare at a girl's chest, after all, so I didn't think much about seeing anything on Sophie). Regardless of the lack of scars, I'd expect her to look kind of messed up from medication. I guess we all agree that she didn't look messed up at all.
  • Her saying that she should stay away from stress, yet she stayed here and got into fights.

Well, question is: WHY did I believe her in the first place?

First of all, I thought NOONE would be so low to lie about dying. It WOULD be kinda uneffective, too; you would have attention for the time you claim to have left, then you'd have to stay away from the people you told that lie to or go undercover and see how people slowly stop talking about you as they move on. Attention for a short time, then it's over.

I can't help but wondering why she did it; she was the creator of the wiki, so she was BOUND to get attention, and since she had not been online for years, noone knew her at all, so in this community, it was a fresh start without anyone having a reason to hate or bully her.

Second .... Maybe I just wanted to find a person I can actually trust ... I didn't make the best experiences with people before, and I guess I just wanted someone to be close to.

I've grown to like a sweet girl like a sister, but now, I'm wondering if she even existed or if Sophie is just a desperate little girl.

Since her confession, my mindset has changed from relief (she'll live!) to confusion (why did she do it?) to worry (when her tweets and stuff made me worry that she'll kill herself) back to confusion, then to worry again after I talked to her on Skype and she answered my statement that I can't help her much because she SHOULD feel guilty (after she said "the guilt is all building up.") with "I can't deal with life anymore." and eventually to apathy. I tried to make her see that what she did was wrong and gave her the advice to relief herself of her guilt by confessing to someone who wasn't involved, but that's all I can do. I hope she can sort out whatever problems she has that made her do this, but whatever she does now, it's none of my business.

If she wants to come back some day, fine, but she won't even get rollback or chatmod rights if she does, and I won't ever call her "sister" (or the japanese word for it; not gonna make that effort now) any more for sure.

I'm gonna end it like I started it: I feel REALLY stupid now. I basically HAVE the mindset that you can't trust anyone, people will backstab you as soon as they don't have an advantage from being with you any more, what made me think it would be different with people you meet online? Just 'cause you never see them for real?

I don't consider that as much of a mess-up like when I let Katydidit run free for months although many of his talks were openly visible on talk pages; despicable as Sophie's lies might have been, pedophilia is MUCH worse and possibly a threat for the life and mental health of people. Sophie played with peoples' feelings, but that's "all" she did (it is bad enough, but nothing that actually leaves permanent health or material damage). Still, it only confimed my mindset that people getting close to you only ends up with you being hurt. Mavbe I'll return to my "business" attitude, I don't know; we'll see.

Mak23686 09:32, January 6, 2012 (UTC)

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