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Why won't you date my son?!

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SINGLE LADIES LISTEN UP! My son Freddie is a very smart, attractive boy. He is not a nerd!!!! I don't understand why Carly or Sam won't date him! By the way, you may not date my son unless you: Have manners Have good grades Have no criminal records Had all your shots Take a shower everyday Have nutritious meals for breakfast, lunch and dinner! Use scented toilet paper (it's classy!) Wear shirts with sleeves no shorter than four fingers and skirts that go no higher than your knees!

So who can I sign up to go on a lovely date with my Fredward (it will be at my apartment where I'll cook a lovely nutritious fat free diner with classical music!!!)?

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